Setting healthy boundaries can feel like this huge daunting thing. You might be scared that by setting and maintaining your boundaries people will no longer like you. Let’s talk about the truth…
When I first began studying horsemanship 15 years ago, the issue of boundaries came up a lot. A few years later when I entered the personal development world and now these boundary issues were being played in stereo! You can learn a lot about boundaries from horses…how to set them, when your boundaries are being pushed and when you are pushing others boundaries. Horses tell you these things pretty head-on, and when you’re dealing with horses it can become a safety issue!
Over the years of studying with horses and under Tony Robbins, Brené Brown and other greats these are the 5 “C’s” that make up a healthy boundary.
You must be comfortable in your boundary. If there is even an ounce of an uncomfortable feeling within yourself about this boundary that you are setting, you will find that you won’t hold this boundary with others. Any unease of a boundary you are creating for yourself will weaken that boundary and pushy people may take advantage.
You MUST be clear in setting your boundaries. Without clarity, the people (or animals) you are setting the boundary for will get confused. This may cause them to inadvertently push your boundary and damage the relationship. Being crystal clear is critical in having healthy boundaries.
You cannot just assume that because you thought of your clear boundary and are comfortable with it that now everyone who it applies to knows it! To set a healthy boundary you must actually communicate it to those who you want to follow it.
Being wishy-washy in your boundaries will cause confusion. You see this in horses with beginners all the time, and it applies to people too! If you tell the individual that [fill in the blank] is ok sometimes but not others you are confusing that individual. Boundaries must be consistent. If something is not ok on Tuesday it cannot be ok on Saturday just because you didn’t feel like being consistent.
And last but not least, compassion. This is where you polish the skill to say “I love you…over there.” Having compassion in your boundaries allows for you to accomplish all the other 4 “C’s” and feel good about it. It gives you the ability to understand the other’s needs, send them love and still maintain that healthy boundary that you set.
There are actually two more C’s of boundaries. want to learn about them? Join us at the Self Discovery Challenge >>>
Below are some Essential Oils that may support your confidence and ease in setting healthy boundaries:
Valor is a classic Young Living oil. Its formula was inspired by the blend of oils that ancient gladiators would wear before going into battle. This oil can have a grounding effect and bring a sense of emotional stability.
Believe is an amazing blend that brings about feelings of strength and faith in yourself when used. Like Valor, this oil can be used topically or aromatically.
Awaken is another fantastic oil that can bring to your awareness your unlimited potential. It awakens possibilities within yourself and can help you during times of transition.
Want to learn more about how these plant derived and naturally processed therapeutic grade oils from Young Living and how they changed my life and the life of my horses?
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